Interested in dating, but afraid you might pee your pants? No worries friend, read this!
So a couple of days ago I googled “sex and relationships” for some article inspiration and came across a fun little article called “Tips on starting a new relationship”. Intrigued, I took some tips and modified them with a little Sarah advice tossed in.
1. Make sure you are ready (for a new relationship).
Suggestions for getting over your ex include decorating your apartment and catching up with old friends. I would like to throw in the suggestion of getting a fish or a cat. They need love too. Don’t rush into something; when you aren’t looking for a relationship, one will appear. Trust me.
2. Go on blind dates.
Blind dates are SO MUCH FUN!!!!! What do you have to lose? Nothing. What do you have to gain? Something! I’ve been on like a billion blind dates and only a handful were ‘shoot myself in the face’ awful. It is highly unlikely that you’ll have nothing to say, so that in itself will be entertaining. You don’t know this person; ask away!
3. How to approach someone you like.
This article claims that if you want to get to know someone better, involve them in a group activity such as indoor bowling. For those of you who SUCK at indoor bowling (like me), you can pick a different activity, like crocodile wrestling or skydiving. One piece of “approaching” knowledge that has helped me acquire my current significant other is finding something that you two have in common. It can be as simple as “you have blue eyes? ME TOO!!!!” After this teeny tiny similarity, how could you not fall in love?
4. How to tell if someone likes you.
This is hilarious. Along with “body language” and copious amounts of “eye contact”, this article also states that smiling and nodding means someone likes you. Uhhh… it’s possible. OR, that person is normal. My rule of thumb is if that person makes out with you, he or she probably likes you.
5. First dates.
Never go to a movie on your first date! This is like saying “I don’t want to pay attention to you, ever”. No one wants to hear that!!! A movie is the worst idea ever. You can watch movies with your friends who you know everything about, but your first date deserves a little attention; therefore, do something where communication and looking at EACH OTHER is involved.
6. Contact after the first date.
People are ALWAYS fretting about this one. Do I wait 24 hours? Do I text after I get out of his car? WHAT?!?!?! AAAHHH!!! If you had a great time, there is no harm in letting the person know. What I’d advise against is calling your date and playing Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” in the background as you go on about your chemistry. No background music is necessary. “Oh hey, I had a really great time last night. Hopefully we can make plans and get together again. Talk to you soon!” No need for “Also, I love you and want your children”. In time, my friend. In time.
If you have had a bad date and do not want to see the person again, be honest about it. No need for “I hate your hair and you smell bad”, but a simple “I had a fun time…” abruptly hang up should work. I’m kidding. I have little advice for how to break it off other than honesty. You don’t really owe this person a lot; you went on ONE date. No hard feelings. If you have gone on say 4 or 5 dates and the bitch is ignoring you, run them over with your car and/or call them and hiss. Again, I jest. Just be honest. If the person hasn’t texted or called you in just over a week, I’d say that individual won’t be calling you at all. I’m still waiting for this guy Phil to call me like he said he would in November of 2007. He SAID he’d call!!! Bitch…
7. How to determine if you want to see them again.
First dates are kind of awkward, so give it until the second date unless you truly hate this person. Some people know right away whether they will ask for a second date, but most will be on the fence. Go for the second date. Try the steak this time.
8. When to take things further.
Here’s where sex education comes in. ahem Many people have sex on the first date. Many people do not have sex on the first date. The key is understanding, communication, and contraceptive. Use condoms to avoid STIs, talk to the person to gage how they are feeling, and observe for signs of pressure (ie. Jersey Shore: “Girl, if Imma take you back to my crib, you BEST be DTF!”). If someone isn’t prepared to wait, ditch them. Intimacy is worth waiting for. Use your judgment, know yourself, and keep mindful of what you believe in.
9. Mistakes and misunderstandings.
Everyone is late sometimes. Some people forget to call. If this business keeps up though, consider if this person is worth it. You are the most important person in your life. Are you happy? Are you frustrated? Don’t wait to be rejected. Do what you have to do, but be mindful that new relationships are bound to have misunderstandings, which make them cute. Communicate, damn it!
10. If things go well.
Props, but remember to make time for your friends. The puppy love phase of a relationship is adorable and fun, but your friends are loyal and love you too! Continue to hang with your peeps and maybe even introduce your new flavour of the month to them and you can all hang out!
There you have it. Advice from some website that sounds like Cosmo with a little Sarah flair. Don’t sweat the small stuff, talk about everything, and don’t hide things that frustrate you. Your significant other is there for you to talk to, and he or she will feel bad if you keep something from him or her that is important to you.
