My name is Abby, and I am a transgender person.

By Abby SM - Phoenix Contributor

4/8/10

It's really easy for me to say that now. I have only just started to make progress towards becoming my preferred gender; however it took a very long time to reach this stage. For clarification, I see my gender as female - not my birth sex, male.

What is "transgender"? This term continually changes as the English language evolves. Generally, it refers a whole range of different gender identities. Currently “transgender” delineates a spectrum ranging from those who identify partially or totally with a gender which "matches" their opposite sex, to those who are in the process of sex reassignment surgery or others methods of sex change (also known as transsexual). “Transgender" is also frequently used to cover transvestitism (cross-dressing), which usually means males who like to dress in feminine clothes but still identify as male, however it can apply to females who like to dress in male clothes but still identify as female (for example, wearing a tuxedo). These may or may not be part of a fetish. Transgenders are accepted and sometimes even embraced in various countries. For example, in Thailand it is possible to be listed as Third Gender, also called Kathoeys (or "Ladyboys").

A lot of people tend to assume that someone who identifies as the opposite of their physical gender is automatically gay. Identities can never be so easily simplified. Each person has a sexual identity and a gender identity. They are not intertwined. They are, rather, independent of each other and unique to each person. My gender is female and I like females. Sexual orientations include bisexual, straight, or homosexual MtF (male to female transgender), just as there are also the FtM (female to male transgender) who are also straight, homosexual or bisexual. Potential sexual orientations also include pansexual, asexual and others, but they are, perhaps, beyond the scope of this article. Gender identity and sexual preference are entirely unconnected.

Most people do not have a problem with their gender and don't even have to think about their gender identity. For those who do, it often starts from an early age. When one recognizes that there is something "wrong" or different about their gender, or that it does not fit their idea of who they are, it obviously becomes a very stressful time. Some may want to change their physical sex, but some don't. The surgeries needed for a sex change can be very damaging, and should be undertaken only if a person cannot live with their physical sex.

If you feel this about yourself, finding a therapist, specifically someone who specializes in gender identity, is strongly encouraged. They will help identify and point you in the right direction. It took a long time for me to come to terms with my own gender identity. It wasn't until after a major life change: marriage and moving to another country, that I finally began to make the change, and it has made me very happy. Arrival at this point took me ten years, beginning when I was 14. Just like sexuality, there's no standard for what a person will experience or when someone will make a leap, and takes a lot of thinking and learning about who you are and what you want.

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2 comments

Darren Sim on Apr 9, 2010 at 10:40pm

very brave, i applaud you!
Michey on Apr 19, 2010 at 3:08pm

I'm glad you opened up about your sexuality and have become comfortable about who you are. Great article! We need to keep people informed. Understanding is a key step towards acceptance.